Life-long Care for Stepmother, My Commitment
By Wan Yan
Commitment without Blood Ties
The Mother's Day falls on Sunday. In the story of Jiang Fumin, a national star of filial piety and respecting the aged, the meaning of mother has gone beyond the blood ties.
In fairy tales the stepmother is always grim, but Jiang’s stepmother kept the promise and integrity to treat the three sons without blood ties as her own, having honored the commitment to the reorganized family. The deep affection of the stepmother has resulted in the return of love from her stepsons, who have taken care of the old lady trapped in sickbed for as long as 6 years.
"Motherly love is like the boundless sea; motherly love is like the water nurturing the world softly." But the motherly love also lies in the role model and setting an example through words and behaviors. In this story, we see a promise kept because of another promise. The love beyond the boundary of blood ties has formed a perfect circle, demonstrating gratitude, integrity and the filial piety and respect for the aged, a virtue of the Chinese nation.
In an old residence located on Xiangde Road, the almost deserted yard that has not been attended for a long time is still quietly waiting for the owner to bring along the spring. Although stuffed with all kinds of furniture, the two rooms on the yard seem empty in quietness. Only the photos on the walls and under the glass coverings on the desks still faithfully demonstrate the happy times of the big family in the past.
The old residence is now a transit station for Jiang. Jiang, who is nearly 70 years old, is still “going to work” every day and travelling between Pudong and Hongkou. But the work place is at a sickbed in Yueyang Hospital. “I go to see mum every day and take a rest in the old residence in Hongkou.” Whenever mentioning the bedridden old lady in her nineties without any blood tie with him, Jiang never uses the term stepmother, as the word of mum, which has been used for more than three decades, has been deeply rooted in the heart and flowed in the blood.
Care
For 6 years, it has been an unremitting “job”. Sui Yuzhen, his stepmother, suffered the stomach cancer, which then transferred to the lungs, coupled with a variety of complications and physical aging. As a result she has gradually lost the ability to act, needing long-term hospitalization. In fact the hospital care is enough to cope with the disease of the old lady, but Jiang insists that some things should be done by himself, as a son, because only in this way can he be assured.
At ten every morning, Jiang would arrive at the hospital on time carrying a packet containing six glass bottles. Because the stepmother can only eat liquid food now, the six bottles are filled with the nutritious food carefully prepared by Jiang for her, including vegetable juice, pureed vegetables as well as porridge or soup.
Every day, he takes down on a notebook the details such as when and what his stepmother ate and the results of the ward round of the doctors: “At 14:20, pastry and nutritious fruit and vegetable juice 240ml + water 30ml,” “At 15:00, haircut,” “At 16:20, Qingji capsule + water,” “At 17:20, porridge of barley and beans for supper,” and so on. Jiang said that he recorded the details of his stepmother every day in order to respond to the examination results of the doctors and the test indicators, and he hoped to work out a way of treatment through the long-term records.
Since his stepmother was ill, Jiang has become a "health expert" and he has carefully studied "Compendium of Materia Medica", "Herbal Diet" and other books. According to the subtle changes in the medical indicators of his stepmother, he would decide every day what foods to be added and what to be deleted. He would prepare more fruits, vegetables and fish that help the health indicators turn better. Once finding that some foods were detrimental to the recent treatment, he would immediately make new recipes and look for the foods that help relieve the diseases.
As there is no way to improve the aesthetic appearance of liquid food, Jiang has been particular about the taste. In order to deploy his unique recipe of fruit and vegetable juice, he repeated the tests and tasted. Only when the juice did not taste terrible and would not hurt stomach could he take the food to his stepmother.
Stomach cancer and lung cancer deteriorated the stepmother’s bodily functions, but the worsening senile dementia hurt her sanity, which made it more difficult for Jiang to take care of her. With the diseases progressing, the stepmother was more and more like a naughty child, even making the simple feeding a hard thing. “Once I changed five different foods to feed her,” said Jiang, adding that that day, at first his stepmother did not want to eat the liquid food prepared by the hospital and said that she would like the preserved egg porridge. Jiang immediately went to a small restaurant near the hospital and ask them to cook a bowl of porridge. But unexpectedly, after having a little porridge, she said that she liked wonton more. Then Jiang turned to the restaurant again for the wonton. However, on tasting the wonton, she said instead of wonton she wanted the noodles. Without any hesitance, Jiang ran the errand at once. When he held the bowl and fed a mouthful to his stepmother, she unexpectedly spat out the chewed noodles like a child. Jiang’s clothes were stained by the noodles. Before Jiang cleaned himself, the stepmother made another requirement.
Speaking of these experiences, Jiang took it lightly, “All mothers take care of their young children in this way. Now it is just the opposite situation, and there is nothing to complain about."
In Jiang’s heart the most important thing is stepmother's condition. The stepmother used to have a high fever for a few days, but because of the physical condition she could not receive the large doses of antibiotic therapy. He heard on the radio that the Chinese Academy of Sciences released a drug for the condition. He decided to "gamble". With the help of the radio station he managed to buy the drug from the academy. Finally he succeeded as on the third day after taking the drug, his stepmother’s fever completely disappeared and she survived the danger. The drug cost thousands of yuan, and “I have paid several bills of more than ten thousand yuan.” But for his stepmother, Jiang was not reluctant to pay more.
Commitment
Such careful attention, Jiang said, was for gratitude as well as a commitment.
Initially, in the face of the stepmother suddenly appearing in their life, the three brothers of Jiang felt unacceptable in emotion. Jiang's father was a veteran who participated in the Anti-Japanese War and the War of Liberation. At the end of the war, he was seriously burnt by flamethrower, causing the half-body disability. After his father settled in Shanghai as a “southward” cadre, the birthmother took Jiang to Shanghai from Shandong, their home province, to look after her husband. After the family reunion, Jiang’s two younger brothers were born, bringing vitality to the family. However, cholecystitis, which is not a deadly disease now, took the mother's life in just three days because of the medical condition at that time. A grandmother from their hometown took care of them for over a month, and before leaving, she secretly said to the eldest son Jiang Fumin, “Your father is disabled, so there must be some to look after him. Let me ask someone to find your father a new wife.” At that time, Jiang, already in his thirties, felt unable to accept it emotionally.
Then the plan to find his father a new wife was in abeyance. However, because of the changes in family, Jiang had to face this problem again. The three young men could not do the housekeeping as carefully as their mother, and soon the house was in a mess. Their father, suddenly adding more grey hair, sat on a chair every day, absent-minded and in low spirit. Then Jiang recalled what the grandmother has said, feeling that although it was a little harsh, it was also reasonable. The family needed a hostess. However, would the new mother be good to their father? Would she be good to his underage brothers? Jiang was very worried.
“It is so good to have three sons suddenly.” When the woman with short hair and Shandong accent appeared in the house, the straightforward and family-member-like "sons" broke the “coldness” in the family. The family was attended again. The father was cared in food, clothing and living; two younger brothers were well educated and loved instead of being spoiled. The family became a complete one again.
After that, the stepmother got along well with the three non-biological sons and helped them get married. The sons joined the Party, and the grandchildren were admitted to universities and became graduate students. Year after year, every time there was a happy event in the family, the stepmother would handle it as a big event, proud and honored.
In 1991, Jiang’s brother and niece died in a traffic accident. For one week, Jiang dared not break the news to his father and stepmother. After much consideration, Jiang decided to discuss it with the stepmother in private. "How can it be like that!" After learning the truth, the stepmother suddenly burst into tears. After the tears, the stepmother calmly and carefully analyzed his father's character, telling him how to inform his father of the news without affecting his MI disease. Jiang said that at that moment he felt his stepmother was great. The painful family disaster made Jiang aware that the stepmother regarded them as her own sons in feeling and she had a deep understanding about their father.
…
The big and small family events in three decades have turned into the merits of the stepmother in Jiang’s memory. Just for this reason, then he said to himself that the family owed a lot to the stepmother and I must be good to her in the future.
When his father was still alive, the stepmother was once in hospital because of a minor ailment. Jiang and his father went to the hospital to visit her. When back at home, the father said to Jiang, “Just now your mother said to me, you have three sons to take care of you when you are old, but who will take care of me?” Hearing the worry deep in the stepmother’s heart, Jiang was shocked.
The next morning, Jiang went to the hospital in some anger and said to the stepmother, “Mum, now that you married my father, then you are my mother. When you are old and bedridden, I will not leave you. I am not your own son, but I will take care of you for life!” said Jiang, adding that the “anger” I suffered all night was turned into such a promise when I was in the face of my stepmother. The old lady smiled on hearing what he said.
Since then, the words have been a “small secret” just between him and his stepmother.
It has been three decades since becoming a member of Jiang’s family, the sons and grandchildren have grown up, but the stepmother turns old and sick. In the past six years, cancer, stroke, and Alzheimer's disease have continued to erode the little health left for the old lady. But Jiang would not give up. With the care of him and his brother, the old lady is at the advanced age of 90 this year, and the cancer has been under control miraculously.
On the stepmother’s birthday every year, Jiang has been used to presenting a bouquet of carnations, a symbol of maternal love. Because years ago, on a whim he bought a bouquet of carnations for the stepmother, and holding the flowers, the old lady showed the expression of fondness. After that, the flowers have constantly been presented at this time each year. Even now the stepmother is in a long-time coma and can no longer hold the flowers presented by her son, and Jiang would still buy the carnations and set them at the sickbed.
Jiang said that so many years later, he could still remember that the stepmother said cheerfully in Shandong accent, “It is so good to have three sons suddenly,” when entering the house, remember the careful attention of the stepmother to his father, himself and his brothers, remember the wail of the stepmother at the news of his brother’s death in the accident, remember his stepmother’s worry about no one to depend on after growing old, and most importantly, remember his promise to her, “I will take care of you for life.” Yes, he will never forget.